After 15 days in the ward(the behavioral health unit) I am back. I feel I just aged emotionally 14 years in two weeks. The stay was brutal for the first week and a half. Being brutally honest to myself, and then to the docs and the staff was not easy, but what was exactly what was needed. I was still having thoughts of suicide and wanted to put my head through the wall just to not feel anymore. But this past Sunday I wrote what I will make my next post, and oddly it made me realize how much I never wanted to take my own life. It felt like I was writing fiction, and not my inner desires or the plan I had decided would be my way out. With some much needed med changes, a new outlook, and a good old fashioned reboot to my brain that was like a laptop running too many programs at once I feel hope. My journey to peace has only begun, and I know trying times will still be in my future- but I have faith- and not forget this good old fashioned blog to blab it to the world.
Published by Patrick Bernard
Patrick Bernard is a professional writer, dj, soccer coach and the Lebron James of the blog game. He has MFA from SNHU in creative non-fiction and has wrote for various magazines and websites such as the Boston Phoenix, Wire, Turntablelab, and numerous freelance projects including some of your favorite dj’s bios. His writing explores everything from mental health, professional wrestling, music, recovery, suicide, trauma, cam models, obscure kraut/psyche rock, murder, house music, death, weirdos, train bums and gratitude. View all posts by Patrick Bernard