For my loyal readers sorry for the lack of writing. I am trying to clear my overloaded platter of prescription drugs and dropping them down until I can be on one or two that truly address my needs. A basic detox or prescription meds and alcohol ain’t ideal. I have felt like a kid on a backyard trampoline without that net fence. Some weeks I am jumping higher than I can imagine kissing the clouds with no worry. Then the next week I jump the clouds are too high, and fall onto the freshly mowed grass with a thud- my body imprinted into the land forever. Last night was the worst I mixed Ativan and a full bottle of wine and two beers. For some reason that was not enough to shutter out the suicidal thoughts I was having. So I decided to drown those feelings with a little less than three fourths of a bottle of gabapentin, and baker’s dozens of trazadone. And I honestly at the time wouldn’t have minded staying in a slumber forever. Luckily I awoke- still messed up a bit- but alive. I am headed to the hospital for an inpatient stay. But I will have a lot more writing coming when I get out. And most importantly if you need help for suicidal or harmful thoughts reach out!!! Reach the fuck out!!! Because I really wished I had.
Posted on by Patrick Bernard
Published by Patrick Bernard
Patrick Bernard is a professional writer, dj, soccer coach and the Lebron James of the blog game. He has MFA from SNHU in creative non-fiction and has wrote for various magazines and websites such as the Boston Phoenix, Wire, Turntablelab, and numerous freelance projects including some of your favorite dj’s bios. His writing explores everything from mental health, professional wrestling, music, recovery, suicide, trauma, cam models, obscure kraut/psyche rock, murder, house music, death, weirdos, train bums and gratitude. View all posts by Patrick Bernard
3 thoughts on “Slumber”
Oh no!!! Please take care! Use this inpatient stay for all it’s worth – detox, mind cleanse, self-care, etc. I look forward to your healthy return ❤
Reaching out saved my life, so if ever you need talk, I’ll try to help even if it’s just to listen. I can’t say I understand because I honestly believe that while experiences may be similar no two are identical. I know there are days or weeks where at least once a day I would wish I hadn’t reached out and had just succumbed to eternal sleep, but it is not my time yet. I hope to see your writing soon. For now, do what you need to do for you.
Thanks the for those words- they were appreciated.